Irony, Facebook and friendship

Last night I realised that I had been using the word brevity in complete opposition to it’s real meaning. I have a habit of doing this. How many times I gone about using words which I have a rough definition of, only to be proven wrong by my Chambers. Indefinite is another misused word that comes to mind. The reigning champion, who has so often defeated my eloquence is the term irony – I think this is indeed irony, but I don’t want to further embarrass myself. Bearing this in mind, I cautiously call this post ironic. Ironic because the very means of it’s publication comes through   it’s predominantly negatively viewed topic.

I am on the verge of leaving facebook; I won’t because it publicises this blog, which I realise is selling out my principles – really though what else can one do? I listen to a L’abri lecture entitled,

Is facebook good for us?

Any thoughtful internet user should probably listen to it. Danny Burbeck looks insightfully through the impact that social media has and is having on people, their connectivity and real time friendships; particularly for those who have never lived in anything but the digital age.

I agreed pretty much exclusively with the content. Facebook forms part of a general de-personalising of relationships. It is not the reason for it, but contributes to a steady trajectory. One can amass 100′s of friends, from a one off acquiantance, to the postman to your family. Yet regardless of the closeness of relationship everyone in this circle of friends, is allowed constant access to any part of each others lives – so long as it is uploaded. This is the basic premise, and from here stems several negatives which contribute to de-personnalising of relationships.

Firstly the ease of contact. A friendship really is measured by the effort one places into maintaining it. A friend can know that they are a friend because you have taken the time to be with them, think about them and inconvenience yourself for them. A friend who will spend no time on you, has no consideration for you or is willing to do only things which are convenient to them, is really no friend at all. Before the digital age, one simply could not have maintained a friendship with out, time, effort and inconvenience. This is a good thing. It shows genuine affection for people. What facebook seems to be able to do is circumvent these crucial elements of friendship. To put a status update makes one able to connect with everyone in seconds. That is not merely a close group of people but, rather 100s of acquaintance picked up in different stages of life. No time, no effort, no inconvenience, but definite connectivity. This is not friendship maintenance, but rather an illusion of friendship. It is mere passing of information; that is how machines communicate.

Second, ease of access. As a friendship develops, more information will be transacted between individuals. This is appropriate and marks that there is a connection between people. Yet with facebook, one can immediately gain access to an individual’s whole life. Information from age, relationship status, political views, taste, what friends think of them. In a non digital world these pieces of information would be slowly divulged as mutual trust and affection grows. This is part of the joy of a friendship. The ease of access also leads to the phenomena of stalking. Burbeck highlights how this term will often be used in a jovial manner but is more sinister than that. Outside of the internet if someone knew as much information about another person having only met them once we would call them a nutter or a creep. Yet how many people (myself included) have not tracked someone down and found out details far to detailed for such a brief encounter. This leads to a lack of delineation between certain types of friends. In facebook communication there is private announcing of detail, only mass publication. Much of which need not be shared. Information like, my favourite drink or music, forms part of the wonder of growing a friendship. To sit down with a new acquaintance, to find out their tastes, views and opinions is a wonderful part of the befriending process. To agree with them or learn how to appropriately disagree are important elements of social interaction which are by passed.

Thirdly, there is the element of corporate ownership of private information. Did you realise that facebook keeps a record of every private detail which you publish to them, including private messages. As this is freely given information they are entitled to do as they wish with it. This is not something which you think as you write what you have just named your hamster. It is no accident that you are getting hamster food recommended to you in the advertising bar. I do not like advertising. I like it even less when it is tailored to you. There is something Orwellian about it. There is really no way of knowing how the most intimate parts of ones life could be put to use.

Facebook seems to fulfil two essential human needs. To know people and be known by people. If facebook is used as a means supplement but here is the issue: facebook often can fill the void of lonliness which otherwise might spur someone to invest in real friendship. Facebook falls into the same category as mobile phone and text message use. It makes communication too easy and gives an illusion of friendship. It does make one known and others known but, not in a way which will ultimately satisfy those needs. For a generation that is growing up without knowing anything different than the digital world, I wonder whether the concept of friendship will actually even be the same as for those who have more recently come to it.

The advertised lecture is worth listening to. It develops these and more ideas and has some insightful Q&A afterwards.

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